Janana Mardana..

Janana Mardana - I heard this phrase at a party this weekend. One of the guests said it. I didn’t think much at that time, but later it got me thinking. Do you know what it means? I don’t know clearly. I know its 'word to word' meaning – Women-Men! But the meaning in the context here is seperation between women and men…

Usually when people meet for get-togethers or parties, the meeting/eating and seating arrangements depends on the culture, the mood and the nature of the party, place and people.

In India, I have been to numerous family get togethers in homes. Since all were a family, people sat and talked as they want. Uncles, Grand Fathers etc sat in the living rooms and chatted politics etc, while Aunts and Grand Mothers settled down in one of the bedrooms or assembled in the kitchen and discussed things from kids to relations to recipes and what not. While eating, depending on the availability of space – men and kids ate first and women ate later. Yes, if you go into the traditions and customs of India, men and women are separated and feeding the men comes first as a sign of respect.

But if it were a wedding or any other ceremony, I remember we all sat as a group. Men, women and kids sat together to eat and chat away.

When I stepped into the US in my early twenties, the culture was totally different. The sense of equality showed everywhere. We all cooked, cleaned and ate together. This continued as we all settled down in our careers and got married. Even when we met others as couples, we were all together playing games, joking and chatting. I loved this way of interacting with men and women alike.

Then I went to London with GB, two years after we got married. We were visiting my younger sister and brother-in-law. They both are good hearted and fun loving people. But I was a bit shocked and felt a bit insulted when people separated themselves according to sex at parties. They all are same age as we were and they are from the same place as us. They are equally educated as us. But why ..why this discrimination? Why do men get together with glass of ‘what ever’ at one place, while ladies assembled separately chatting all useless stuff. “What does your kid eat..oh..he doesn’t eat anything” “how do you make this curry, how do you clean that” “what do you pack for lunch, where can I buy this dress or that gold..” “How can you manage time” “where can I get the cheapest stuff” …

I never understood this difference in UK and US crowd! I came to the sure conclusion that US is evolved in every sense! Hail Equality and Respect between sexes! I was proud of the country I was living in!

Now GB and I are in our thirties and so are our friends and contacts. We all have kids, we have career goals and we all want to achieve things in life. While our best friends from the past live far off and the communication with them faded away in the business of our daily lives, all we have is the people who live close by, people who we meet at parties and get togethers. And now I am surprised at GB and myself. We prefer meeting people with kids. This way Mimi will have kids to play with while we spend time with parents. And I have noticed that after initial hellos etc for few minutes or may be half-an-hour into the meeting, we prefer spending time and talking to people of our own sex! We actually like segregation now! How strange! How could we change so much in such a little time!

Now GB likes to spend time with other dads in our meetings. They sit separately eating or watching TV. But the main thing that goes on there is the discussion about careers, good schools for themselves, their wives and kids, good homes, the housing market, the business strategies, the higher educational opportunities, the Indian real estate market, the best vacation packages etc along with Indian and American Politics. And I love to spend time with other moms knowing about the most important things of my concern and interests right now. Surprisingly they include questions and issues like..“What does your kid eat..oh..he doesn’t eat anything” “how do you make this curry, how do you clean that” “what do you pack for lunch, where can I buy this dress or that gold..” “How can you manage time” “where can I get the cheapest stuff” …”

Yes, these are not useless stuff for me anymore. I want to ..NO..I have to know all this stuff because these are my every day, every minute thoughts and issues. The cooking and feeding my family, the shopping right from Groceries, to Gagras, to Gold – I need the best information from trusted and tested sources. I need to know how to manage my time with my busiest of schedules with my full time job, my hobbies, my career goals, my daughter’s care at home, her pre-school, her classes, my husband’s everyday needs (in order to help him out a little that I can in his busy life). I need all this information, I need these advices and I need this support group in my everyday endeavors.

Meeting people, irrespective of sex - Men or Women is fun. But if we (GB and I) living this far from our own families and friends, cannot make use of the experiences and expertise of the people we meet regularly, then the regular meetings become a mere waste of time and energy. One may chat away some general topics and have fun in a group with both men and women, but sharing things of significance with related and relevent people is whole lot better.

So hey..Janana Mardana with a sense of equality - works for me…