My wedding story – (The Epic? )

I was living in a small city in US working in my first job after my Masters. My parents were on the heights of their 'get our daughter married pronto' mission! They were sending me contacts of guys from Andhra to Telangana; from New York to California! I was on dates every other weekend – almost 3-4 from what I remembered! 

Well they were all traditional dates of course - *meet the guy-go for a drive-chat-eat and come back to the apartment like a good girl!*

I didn’t connect with some guys, some just talked rubbish and some said nothing at all!!Once, I simply had to tell a vulgar guy on his face to get the hell out of my apartment before I call cops (This is after I called my guy-friends who lived close by, whispering from the bathroom to come and rescue me..oh boy)! 

My parents were heart broken for putting me through all this. But they wanted me to get married in next few months if possible. The reason – my sister, two years younger to me has already found a guy (my now BIL) and the he was flying abroad to take up his first job. 

My parents wanted to get them married before my BIL left. 

But in this harsh society where people assume anything and everything, what will they think if the older sister, all settled & working in US is not married before her sister? Is she in a relationship before marriage? Is something wrong with her?...

I told my parents to ignore what others think and get my sister married. And I also added that if they want, I won’t be in the wedding – and they tell everyone that I am not able to come to India because I have some visa problems or I could not get any work leave approved – some dumb excuse!

Well anyway, while this was all going, I got an email from one..hmm..let’s call him “Srikanth”. He said that he got my information from some of his friends. We are from same Engineering College and I was his junior. He wrote that he was going to India in two days to find a girl and get married if everything works out, but he still wants to drive all the way down (almost 4 hours drive) to meet me before leaving.

First of all, I didn’t know this guy. Why does he want to meet me when he is going to India in two days to get married (if he finds a girl there)?

I emailed him explaining why he should not drive down all the way here. I advised him that he should go to India and get married if he finds his girl. And I even assured him – “if you don’t find anyone, I’d still be here when you come back to US in five weeks” - Romantic? Pathetic?? What ever! 

But the guy replies that it is scary for him to get married to some woman without actually knowing her in a relaxed atmosphere. So he wanted to take a chance and meet me. 

Oh..how I resisted! He called on my cell – nope I wouldn’t pick up. He calls me on my home phone (no caller ID🙄) and I was caught! He wants to come the next day after work!

Next day Feb 13th, I came home early, cleaned my apartment, and dressed my self in simple blue jeans, black shirt, Cubic Zirconium tear drop earrings and matching pendent on a silver chain and sandals. I waited for him from 5pm. I waited for his call (little that I know at that time that for the rest of our lives - I’d would complain too much if he hasn’t called me on time or if he wouldn’t pickup my call 🥰). It is 8PM and he calls me from somewhere on the freeway, tells me that there was a huge accident and the traffic is stranded. His car is still in the lanes, but everyone got down and walking around until the police clear the accident! At last he arrives at 9PM (who goes on a date at 9PM🤔!). 

He gets off the car and there is he - a 5’ 9” guy with broad shoulders, sharp eyes and a noticeably rounded chin. He doesn’t look anything like the picture he sent! He wore a dark colored sweater and dress pants. He said hi, a quick warm and sturdy handshake. We come back to my apartment. “Are you hungry” – I ask. “Yes – I can eat”, “OK let’s go to this Indian Restaurant – it is open late” – I said. And we drove. I gave him directions (again this, I do even today. I am his navigator 🚙 )

We talked – We talked about families/career/places you know,..the routine date agenda. 

All this was in English, because he mentioned in his information that he was a Kannadiga. I assumed he didn’t talk Telugu. He thought I was being posh 🤷🏽‍♀️). It was 11PM and we came back to the apartment. We talked some more. I told him that my sister was getting married and according to our traditions two girls from the same family cannot be married in the same year, so there is no way I can come to India. So on and so forth. This I wrote him in the email before too.

While talking, my thinking goes – “he looks good, stylish, well spoken, good job – hmm –is he open to know more about me? I want to know more about him, but I cannot declare right here that I am interested! I just have to wait until he responds”. And his thinking goes “I love the way this girl smiles, She and I are from same back grounds, same colleges. We are so similar. Why is she giving me all these reasons of not able to come to India? Looks like there is no hope here. This is the last trip I am going to India to find someone and get married, since I delayed my Green Card process many years hoping to find a right someone”. 

He got ready to leave and I told him that he could stay at my friend’s “all-guys” apartment. He politely declined and got ready to drive another 4 hours back. There was some kind of calmness in the air, some sense of contentment – may be it was a good date....

Regardless of this guy accepting this match or not, it is definitely nice meeting him. I walked out to his car and we shook hands. He took out some flowers and chocolate from his car and gave me saying that it is a little something for Valentines (Although it’s an hour to midnight). He drove away; I walked back to the apartment with a slight sense of loss..heavy steps.

The next day I called him, with all my courage! I never called a guy after a date. I am afraid that I would be rejected on my face. I asked him if the drive was ok and he replied that it was ok and that he is packing for his trip and flight that evening. I said good luck with everything in India and hung up (in desperation).

My wedding story – (The Epic? – Venus Kalyanam) – Part 2

My parents called me the same day and told me that they decided to perform my sister’s wedding in 8 days. I was in a dilemma! Should I stay here alone just for the sake of the stupid society, when my sister is getting married for the one time in life? Or should I just go to be with my sister, when she is happily getting married? In that moment,  stubbornness came over me! “to hell with the society, people, parents’ dilemma etc. The right thing is to be there”. I called the travel agency, booked the ticket and flew 3 days later, surprising everyone except my mom and dad who came to the airport in the middle of the night to receive me. All my relatives were very happy seeing me, unlike how I imagined. The wedding was beautiful. Some asked about my wedding and I said that I was talking to some guy, almost finalizing the deal blah..blah! While I was looking beautiful in the wedding, my grand parents pulled me aside to sit with them and my grand pa read my palm and said “It says so clearly here in the lines of your palm that you would be married around this time and my predictions have never been wrong as far as I know (That’s true- I should say), so hmm..I cannot see why you won’t be married now”. I smiled and sighed – How can I trust these age-old beliefs in this Day n Age!

It was almost a week for me to return to US. Everyone was relaxing from the wedding. My dad was frustrated. He wants me to get married in this trip if possible. Even there, after my sister’s wedding, I met a tall 6 ft guy who came from US on my dad’s insisting. 

But that didn’t work out because of the height difference 🙆🏻‍♀️! 

One afternoon I was enjoying the bliss of the full desi thali followed by the mandatory afternoon nap, when I over heard my parents’ conversation about my wedding again!! 

“Oh, daddy why are you always worried? I will go to US, find a guy and come back in six months to get married, OK” and before he opened his mouth to reply me I said “if you are that desperate, there should me a paper (like the one in a fortune cookie) in the zipper of my purse. On it, is a kannada guy “Srikanth’s” number. I already met him in US and he is hopefully still here. See if he found a girl or not” - I went back to sleep by the end of the sentence.

20 min into my food induced deep sleep, my dad wakes me up, covering the mouthpiece of the phone. He says it’s “Srikanth” and that he wants to talk to me. My sleep vanished! I cleared my voice and said “Hello” “Hey who’s there? Hi S, how are you? So you are here at last anyway ha?” The voice – well I loved it, I have to admit. 

That is the same reason why I’d declare few months down the lane that even if I were to be in a coma, the one thing I’d wake up to is his warm (Kishore Kumar) voice! I talked some more and learnt that he is still available “Hooray”!

They were coming to see me in a traditional way at 5PM next day. My people were waiting for almost two hours. It was 7PM by the time these people showed up - my future MIL, SILs, BIL and Srikanth came. It was hard to manage my dad’s anger. He is very strict about time. They came, they saw – well, I conquered. 

They all speak fluent Telugu and I don’t know why we didn’t in our first meeting. But they liked our match so much that the first thing my BIL did was, to  give Srikanth, a nice lecture about why he had to drag them all around the city to see the other girls, when he already met a nice girl like ‘ME’ from such a wonderful family. My BIL and dad just talked away for hours, while we sat nodding. Though we all were ok at that time, the big decision maker was the “matching of stars and planets” by my very traditional FIL.

The next day evening, everyone is waiting at the door of Pooja room since morning at Srikanth’s house. My FIL was in there calculating the Raasis, Nakshatras, Padhas and Jatakas of Srikanth’s and mine. It’s been a painful wait for everyone. Srikanth was very impatient. He wanted to honor his dad by abiding his decision, but this was too much! He had to decline some good matches based on his dad’s Jataka tales. He wasn’t going to lose this one -a perfect match, even if his dad came out with any negative result. He made up his mind, no matter what the horoscopes say, he would try convincing everyone or if needed, he would go against everyone to marry me. 

Even before my FIL announced his decision, he called me back (I called him to find out what was going on and that I would like to meet him before making my decision on marrying him. In a way, even I was disregarding any horoscope hurdles that could have arises and I was willing to marry him if he Okays). He wanted to meet me the next day. We met at one of the beautiful and grand hotels in the city and talked endlessly, for almost 4 hours! It was as if we both agree, but I wanted a conformation from him. And he said, “what can I say, the door is closing by itself”! I went home and declared that I am getting married and jumped. He went home and found out that it is nothing but a perfect match of stars and he jumped.

 

It was decided that since both my sister's and my wedding happen before and after the new year "Ugadi", there was no 'dhosham'. It was OK to perform this wedding.

Next day, they came to my house for ‘Lagna Patrika’ – the ritual of writing the wedding card along with finalizing all details. That was the official Engagement ceremony too. My parents, uncles and aunts on one side and my FIL and BIL along with Srikanth and the ladies on the other. They discussed the essentials. My FIL made all our people choke with his demand of dowry (It was not very significant if I think about it now). 

My uncles and parents discussed among themselves stressfully. They cannot afford that kind of money within 15 days after they got their other girl married! My uncle told the same to my FIL. But my FIL sat there – no response! 

I panicked in the bedroom..what is going to happen? Though I took thousands of dollars with me from US when I came, they were all used for the first wedding. How can this be arranged? I was thinking of the one God I loved, prayed and talked to all the time – “my lord Venkateshwara. Where are you? You always helped me in everything, please help me now”. Suddenly I saw a face I was not expecting at all. It was Srikanth who came looking for me. I trembled and he leaned on to me and said something wonderful that I was in a sweet shock. He said “S..listen, you know if my dad doesn’t bend, we can arrange it. I will give that money and your parents can give it to my dad. You know..let’s adjust somehow”. I just fell flat - head over heals .. my wounds oozing nothing but love and respect.

Both sides settled met in the middle on arrangements etc. The wedding was in 6 days and there was 3 days strike in the whole state. 

My parents had it a lil’ easy with one girl recently married. All they had to do was to call all the same people, book the same venue, same catering etc. The wedding cards were same, just the change of names. They called everyone by phone and gave the responsibility of inviting important people personally to my uncles and aunts. Srikanth calls on and off to my home and everyone starts teasing me when ever he called. My youngest sister would shout at the top of the building “Akkaaaaaaaaaaaaa..it’s Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaava”! 

Srikanth asked me to go on his suit shopping, I selected his suit and from there we went for dinner, it was around 9PM,  3 days before wedding. My FIL calls Srikanth enquiring where he is and asks him to give the phone to me. He advises me not to stay out so late and asks me to go home. Srikanth and I had such a laugh sitting by the Tank Bund. 

Next day, my aunts convince me to call Srikanth and ask him to buy me a necklace. I took liberty and called him and he replies “aap ke liye kuch bhi karenge” 🥰 . Next day, he came and gave me the money for the necklace. The wedding was simple, fun and memorable. Everyone was really happy. I was super happy, but couldn’t keep myself apart from all the girls who cry leaving their parents. Though I lived away from my parents for last 3 years, I just cried to my heart’s content while leaving. 

That night, we went to bed around 11PM after all the rituals- couldn’t sleep! , We were tired and I was in this new place and Srikanth was leaving the next day 4PM to US, so we needed to pack. We woke up at 4 AM and started packing for him. Around 8AM, I was sitting on a chair close by looking at his documents and what?? I said, “Srikanth, wasn’t your flight 4AM”. He looked at me and looked at the ticket. He dropped what ever was in his hands asked me not to tell anyone about this. He told everyone that his ticket has some problem and that we need to go figure at the travel agency. 

We left home around 9AM and went to the coffee shop in the hotel suits nearby. Oh..he was shocked at himself – “how could I have misread the time of the plane? Now what will her parents think? they must really wonder if this guy was actually from US or not, if I won’t leave to US now”! 🤣

I assured him not to worry and that we can make up some excuse and we did!! 

We fooled everyone and in the process became more closer on the very first day of our married life. Since Srikanth got his next ticket after three days and I return back in two days, my FIL took the chance and had the “SatyaNarayana Vratham” next day. 

The day after, I started for US and everyone from my relatives along with my in-laws with Srikanth came. I felt like I couldn’t be without him and hugged him in the airport. It was painful. I could never believe in falling in love with someone so fast before, but now I do. 

While flying back, I called Srikanth more than I called my parents at my connecting flights. After reaching US, I had to stay a night at my best friend’s until Srikanth came the next day. A Day after I left, Srikanth left and my parents who didn’t cry when I left, cried hugging Srikanth when he left. May be that is how they expressed their happiness of finding a gem for their daughter. 

After Srikanth came back, I stayed with him for a week before going back to my own city. For six months either he would drive down to my place or I would to his. It was a wonderful honeymoon period – a “meeta sa intezar” for the weekend. I transferred myself to the city he was in after six months and ..well I should say..happily lived ever after. The End (like my daughter used to say!)

Disclaimer: Anyone reading this should not assume that it was a picture perfect marriage with out any glitches. We had our share of difficulties adjusting to each other initially, though we never ever fought for the first three years. The little sparks now and then started to come up over the issues about our daughter. It is hard to convince an over protective parent (In our case both of us are).