Yes, that’s true! After all this time that I gave birth to my child, NOW it feels like I am a little bit of that crowned title - “Mom”. How? – You ask.. You see - in Oct 2004, when I found out that I was pregnant, I happily celebrated it with GB. I called everybody we know and announced that we were having a kid. At that time all I was thinking was the big belly that I will have in few months, all the pictures I should take and all the care I will get from GB etc. A few months down the lane after my nausea days, when I actually started eating and showing a little baby bump, we were occupied with issues like how to eat well – right things in right quantities, how to sleep right in right positions, how not to do certain things etc. In all that hungama, I didn’t even notice that my dear GB (who started to show the preliminary straits of being an over protective dad) and I had our first big fight in our three and a half year married life regarding my not following the diet to avoid the mild Gestational Diabetes I had. Eating Broccoli every day was like– YUCK! (Of course now I love it)
By the third trimester I was showing off my belly proudly. I was buying beautiful maternity clothes, listening to music, speaking to the baby everyday. GB would sit by me taking pictures and videos, talking and singing to the baby in his kishore kumar voice. Well, we were doing what all we can think for the baby. As the due date approached, my parents got off the plane with loads of baby stuff from India. After a wonderful traditional baby shower, we took my parents on ‘baby stuff - shopping frenzy’ and bought everything from a safety pin to play pen. I packed my hospital bags and waited.
After a while, I started taking pictures posing at the door as if I am waiting for someone with the hospital bag by my side. And two weeks after the due date passed, the OB-GYN scheduled an induction. Going to the hospital was normal and fun unlike what GB practiced a million times (‘driving fast but safely on the crooked streets of San Francisco with my imaginary labor screams in the background!!’). All this while, everyone around me just pampered me away like a kid. Instead of me having contractions with the induction, the baby’s heart beat went down six times and they had to cut me open to untangle the baby from the cord around her neck and pulled her out. Out came she - a bright, beautiful and tall baby of 8.5 pounds born with two teeth (Her famous equals in history are King Richard III, Julius Ceaser, Hannibal & Napoleon) and crying loudly. In the operation room, she kicked her dad who was holding her for the first time, in the chest changing his life forever!
From then on, the scale of my pride about my daughter has just been increasing exponentially. This cute and smart baby gets more and more beautiful and intelligent everyday. I was always in a photo sharing frenzy, bugging people to go open their emails if they didn’t see them yet!! She is the center of attraction in any party; she amazes people with her early developmental skills. I could go on and on, but let me stop here for now. Well anyways GB and I started having arguments on and off about the baby’s safety and comfort. We wanted to keep her clean, give her the best and keep her safe from everything. GB did most of the cleaning, bottle feedings, massaging etc. This way, I felt more like a kid with a kid!
Next we wanted a home for her, where she can build the memories of her childhood! We both pulled overselves into that emotional commitment and bought a house with a beautiful backyard (This proved very costly and difficult later with the real estate market fall etc!). While being annoyed at the outrageous expenses and zero savings every month, we enjoyed seeing our baby playing in her own home. We went to India for her first birthday and had an extravagant party inviting everyone we know. It was all very fun and very easy. Then around 18 months age, Mimi started talking, expressing her feelings, letting us know that she loves us, her demands, her observations, her upsets. Then followed my perceptions, my explanations, my dilemmas, my questions and my hypocrisy. Some thing changed dramatically!
I'd endlessly search internet for ways to bring up my Mimi efficiently, ways to discipline her softly etc. I'd look for ways to lessen my stress, manage my anger and be cool with my daughter. I'd search for parenting classes around my area. I'd be guilty as hell for days after I behaved roughly with her or yelled at her. By now it is slowly dawning - it is not just the physical care, protection and safety you provide to your kids, it is what YOU are - that you teach your kid and that in turn helps build their personality and life! My biggest fear now is that she would inherit all my negative traits like anger, impatience, stress etc and grow up to be an unhappy person in spite of all the brains and beauty she's got. Now I know that you have to be the person you want your kid to be. I started waking up early.
- I try to do my chores on time;
- I am trying to put a schedule in my life, so that she would learn to make a schedule in her life. Though we go to temple and cook special foods on festivals days - that was all we used to do in the name of religion/tradition etc. But now I am bringing back meditation and the every day Pooja routines that I left 10 years ago in India, so that she can learn the best lessons from religion and meditation.
- I am cooking and eating well, so that she can choose to be a good eater.
- I am working out and taking care of my self, so that she will grow up into a healthy, active and well groomed lady.
- I am working on improving my career, so that she will have higher goals in education and career than what her mom had. Fortunately, her parents are very loving with each other and I hope that she will love and understand her partner too.
- I am keeping in touch with everyone around me, so that she can grow up to be a social and caring person one day.
- I am digging out all my long gone hobbies and re-exploring them, so that she will be a passionate person looking for her interests out in the world.
- I am delving more into finances and investments , learning more where I have never ventured before, so that my daughter will be financially smart when she grows up.
- I am for the first time showing keen interest in politics and will learn more, who knows one day she could be the president of a country! I give ample time in her schedule and always get through her daily chores with fun songs, silly faces and imaginary stories.
- Now there is less yelling, less stress, less rushing her and dragging her to school. I try new recipes for her.
- I spend most of my time feeding her appetite for books.
- I do workbooks with her.
- I teach her shlokas (Age old Religious and Philosopical Rhymes)
- I take her to different classes.
It is hard, it is a consistent task – but one day it will pay off. She will have a great personality. She will be a fun person and I will make sure that I will be one, so that she can be one.
As it is said - "it is not complete if it is just superficial". The change should come from inside mentally. Now, I am trying to change. Now, for the first time it feels like I am doing a little bit for my child. I have always appreciated moms who cooked, cleaned, provided for their children and pushed them to go for better things. BUT Now, I know what else a mom has to do to bring up her children. She literally has to change and discipline her self, answer her own questions and dilemmas and go through a mental transformation for the betterment of her kids by the time they grow up to be matured persons. Now my respect for mothers has exponentially increased.
As it is said - "it is not complete if it is just superficial". The change should come from inside mentally. Now, I am trying to change. Now, for the first time it feels like I am doing a little bit for my child. I have always appreciated moms who cooked, cleaned, provided for their children and pushed them to go for better things. BUT Now, I know what else a mom has to do to bring up her children. She literally has to change and discipline her self, answer her own questions and dilemmas and go through a mental transformation for the betterment of her kids by the time they grow up to be matured persons. Now my respect for mothers has exponentially increased.
I know I will have to change more, go through more and learn more of the life lessons as my kid grow through her childhood, teen years and beyond. It is now that I feel a little bit of the real responsibility, a bit of the real accountability.
After all this while, it is now that I feel a little bit like a mom…Happy Mothers Day...
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